


wish you were gay

by aphenglandstan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Songfic, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18750877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphenglandstan/pseuds/aphenglandstan
Summary: Unrequited love hurts. Natalya knows firsthand.(Based off of the Billie Eilish song.)





	wish you were gay

I felt sick to my stomach thinking about it. The fact that Alfred would never think of me. The fact that he’d never thought of me in my life.

He didn’t even care when I was sick. So I always tried to laugh it off. If he didn’t care, then I could pretend that I didn’t care either.

I tried to consider him a friend. But the truth was that I fell for him. And I don’t even think he considered me an acquaintance.

All I wanted was to be with him. Comfort him when he was down and congratulate him when he was up. If he gave me a chance, I was sure that I could be good for him.

But he didn’t give me a chance.

I wished, hoped, and prayed that I’d get over him. But I just couldn’t. He was perfect in my eyes.

And a tiny piece of me- in the back of my brain- wished that he was gay. At least then he’d have a reason to not like me. The only other option was that I was a bad person. I didn’t want to believe that, even if the majority of my brain thought so.

I wondered why he hadn’t cut all ties to me. We talked. We met up sometimes. But he never showed any interest in doing any of those things. It seemed like I was just dragging him around.

I needed some way to get rid of my love for him. I wondered if there was addiction counseling for people with unrequited love.

I texted him, but Alfred practically never replied.

Once I asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner. Alfred ended up replying with a ‘yes’.

Alfred said he’d be there at seven. But I sat there waiting until eight. That’s when I decided to eat without him. He showed up at nine-thirty. But he lived only six minutes away.

How could I be something to him if he never let me in? I tried to cover up, but I couldn’t stop my attraction to him.

The only thing keeping me rooted was the idea that maybe he could be gay. Maybe I wasn’t the reason that he didn’t love me.

It was a selfish desire, but I didn’t want him to tell me that I wasn’t his type. I’d much rather hear that he didn’t like girls.

But still, he got me so helpless. And I couldn’t stand that he never gave me a second look.

I just wanted to be with him. But he didn’t even care enough to act interested. I just wanted my brain to free me of the romantic thoughts of him.

But still I hoped he was gay.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, feel free to leave a comment!


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